Our Dirty Little Secrets - Gossip

Our Dirty Little Secrets - And How God Calls Us Clean

Part 3

Gossip. Ew, right?

Yeah, we can all at least agree that gossip isn't the most valiant of lifestyles, but why does it feel so juicy??

Lets be honest, say I hear there's some bad blood between two people at work. At first I decide, "nah, I'm not gonna be that person that needs to know what's going on, I can be an adult and just keep to myself."

But slowly but surely I'm just sitting there... waiting for someone to bring up the controversial name or topic for me to sink my teeth into!

People to be disappointed in, situations to complain about.

Ways to give my (not so) "helpful" input.

What I would have done if it was me in that situation.

It gives us a high.

Why? Connection.

There's nothing more satisfying than leaning forward, heart racing, hears listening to every word, involved in a complete and utter bubble of information with another human. - It's exciting!

Though most of the time we really just want the inside scoop and truly mean no harm, the truth is that we are telling the story of someone else's life in a way that is actually untrue of who they are. It's a fantasy. And It's a fantasy that when wielded can very much become a reality.

And isn't it true that once you decide to agree with the controversy, you're now taking a side and binding yourself to an opinion?

This can be a dangerous game to play once you realize that there was another side to the story.

Our words are powerful and we are intrinsically bound to them. What actions am I now socially bound to because of the words that I have just spoken?

The questions becomes: "Because of what I just said, did I now just place a social expectation to follow up with those opinions? To stick with them even after I realize that I was wrong?"

Another super relatable scenario is when you have someone in your own life that is giving you a hard time and you actually just need to talk about it to someone about it, yet somehow navigate the conversation without letting it turning into gossip.

In my opinion, externally processing a situation involving another person turns into gossip when we start making claims against their character - when we are no longer honoring their name and begin to draw new conclusions about who they are based on our understanding of a situation.

However, I believe that anyone we interact with, in both positive and negative interactions, deserves honor.

Today in church Bill Johnson said something along the lines of:

God actually protects people from our misuse of authority when they have dome something wrong to us. We do not deal justice, God does. And the wrath of God is to lead them to repentance, not to destroy them.

I believe that we are free talk about our own emotions, triggers, thought processes, the reason why the situation effected us the way it did etc., but we cannot pretend to know what was going on inside the other person's mind and heart.

Even in more casual situations, I don't think our lackadaisical comments are worth damaging somebody's name. None of us are perfect and if it wasn't for someone else's humility and forgiveness we wouldn't be where we are today.

There is power in our words: "Word create worlds" - So what are we speaking over them?

A lot of times in gossiping situations we are actually using our words as punishment for the person who wronged us.

In my opinion, the thought process behind gossip is: If I can tear down who this person is in your mind, I will look like the rightful victim (or even just slightly better than them) and they the one who deserves correction.

However, gossip has the ability to reveal a deficiency in our own hearts. Perhaps we're feeling insecure about our own standing in our social circles and have a need to feel preferred in someone else's eyes; even if that means cutting someone else down in order to get it.

And if we are feeling that deficiency, it means were not being fed.

It means that somewhere deep down inside, we are in lack.

So what I want you to know is that the Father sees, loves and validates you constantly. That His thoughts towards you are good and they outnumber the sand on the seashore.

Know that no matter what your feeling, God has a plan for your life and no matter what anybody else is saying around you, you will succeed!

So my advice?

• Be a great listener.

• Inquire!

• Stay curious and make sure you keep in mind that there is always another side to the story. Decide that at the end of the day, even if I'm hurt by someone else, they are still a valuable person and deserve for their name to be preserved - even when it takes a sacrifice of my own tongue.

• Find someone to process with who will not bash someone whom you may be having conflict with, but will keep an open mind and help you to do the same.

With love,

Gracie