Our Dirty Little Secrets - Self-Harm

Grace Clibourn
Apr 22, 2018
4 min read

Our Dirty Little Secrets - And How God Calls Us Clean

Part 2

Before you begin reading this post I first want you to take a deep breath.

Self-harm is a heavy topic and I want you to feel safe as you read this.

(I also want to insert here that I am not a clinical psychologist, I am just a person with some experience in this area looking to be a source of encouragement. I hold no claim of professional knowledge in this area. Feel free to take this information and bring it to the Lord, your pastor and/or counselor for approval.)

Invite the Holy Spirit to come and be with you as you read this post and He will guide you, comfort you and teach you about your inner world as you work through this together.

__________________

I knew God when I dabbled in cutting.

I knew God when I struggled, deeply, with depression.

I knew God when I was drowning in anxiety.

I just didn't know how close He really was.

You are not alone. Jesus does not see through you, He's looking right at you - always.

Self-harm can be a very dark place.

I remember being in Jr. High and going over to a friend's house. She and her other friends were sharing their cuts and scars, talking about how their parents don't care about them. That same night, one of the girls locked herself in a room and threatened to kill herself as we tried to talk her down through the door.

It was dark.

One thing I know for sure is that this dark place is a powerful place that pulls people in. It somehow feels fulfilling, exciting and terrifying all at once. Maybe it was the good girl in me that sought after a moment of thrill, but all I know is that it only left me feeling more isolated and confused at the end of the day.

Self-harm messes with a person's identity.

It's riddled with statements like:

"I am not worthy of..." (connection, love, acceptance, etc.)

"I am forgotten"

"My emotions are too much for people"

"I am alone"

"Nobody cares"

"I am stuck inside my own head"

The truth is that everyone goes through times where they feel alone. Everyone goes through times where they feel overlooked or like nobody's paying attention to them.

I'm not gonna lie, life can be really really hard.

But it is also true that the emotions we feel in those times are not only acceptable, but completely normal. You are allowed to feel!

Take the Psalmist for example:

This man knew how to be honest. Yet he also knew how to place his troubles into the hands of his God.

I know that for me, I go through seasons where the ability to stay positive and keep moving forward in life is simply rooted in principle, not in emotions. In other words, just because I am feeling a certain way, it doesn't mean that feeling has to be in control.

Emotions are tricky and your thought life is a very important place.

Dan Mohler says: "Don't believe everything you think".

Another important thing to note is that we live in a spiritual world where the light and dark are in a constant battle. There are spiritual forces that want you to give up, that want you to hurt yourself. It's important to know the difference between feeling something because we are hurt or sad, and feeling something because we are being influenced by the darkness.

Self-harm doesn't always look like cutting. Sometimes its pinching, pulling hair, squeezing skin etc. And sometimes, self-harm looks like telling yourself that you're stupid, worthless, unwanted, ugly, skinny, fat, a loner or a weirdo.

Yet you will never find God punishing you for being sad, hurt and left alone.

What God says about you is that you are WANTED, FOUGHT FOR, SEEN, ACCEPTED AND ADORED!

You are worth everything. You are worth heaven.

If you are someone who struggles with self-harm either physically or psychologically, what I can encourage you to do is to begin to tap into the thoughts that God has towards you.

Practice thankfulness and let yourself feel the light of the world enter into your life.

Find something beautiful and revel in it.

Speak truth over yourself.

Proverbs 18:21 "Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose."

These declarations are for you to read over yourself to remind you of who you are and whose you are. You can read them in the morning, when you go to bed at night, in the mirror, etc. Little by little your mind will begin to focus on the truth and your life will begin to shift.

Find a friend, leader or pastor who you can be totally honest with.

I would also recommend counseling. I have gone to counseling several times myself, and it's incredible how much it helps to just talk to someone about our lives and get advice on how to enter back into a life of joy.

In my opinion, Psalm 139 is one of the most beautiful portions in the Bible because it so beautifully outlines the the depth to which we are known. It pulls you into an intimate dance with God where you can begin to understand and believe how much you actually belong to Him!