Confession - A New Way To Do It!

Confession is an age-old tradition and Christian mandate that upon mention tends to incite insane amounts of shame and dread. I remember the times in Jr. High and High School at my church youth group where anytime the pastor spoke about the confession of sin, the whole room became extremely tense and introspective - our minds would start racing as we avoided eye contact with everyone and anyone until it was time to go home for the night. (eye roll)

I'm sure we've all heard horror stories (or seen in movies) of "back in the day" when someone was forced to confess their sin from the front of a stage and were then shunned from the church for being such a nasty sinner.

And while nowadays most of the Church (that I have experienced) truly rejects the idea of shaming our people in the pursuit of true confession, still, we avoid it like the plague. I hardly ever hear of people having friends in their life that they feel they can trust enough to be vulnerable and honest with. And while finding a trustworthy person is few and far between; it's is absolutely worth the search of.

Maybe we don't know how to confess in a way that makes us feel safe, or maybe we don't even know how to handle a person who is wanting to confess something to us.

Maybe we don't even understand the benefits of confession.

This is where I want to help!

And while nothing in the Christian life is a formula, I want to give an example of what this could look like in a healthy and uplifting way.

First -

Find a friend. A real one. And make them your accountability partner.

What's an accountability partner?

An accountability partner is someone who will hold you to your highest standard. It's a trustworthy person whom you know you can go to, with an honest heart, before or after something occurs. Someone who agrees not to shame you, but to meet you with kindness and cover you with prayer and encouragement. They listen to your convictions and help you live up to them.

"Accountability is an account-for-your-ability. Not an account for your disability. "

-Kris Vallotton

P.S. Reaching out to this person when you are feeling the temptation or trigger is wildly helpful. It can keep you from falling in the first place.

Second -

Decide to stay in the light.

Come to a place where you have been honest with the Lord, honest with others and then begin to learn how to maintain transparency.

What was lacking in your heart that caused you to tap into a source outside our appropriate parameters?

Get to know yourself and your triggers.

Know when to close the computer, turn off the TV, leave your girlfriend's house, step away from a situation that's causing you to gossip, go into rage, etc.

And if you fall:

It’s an opportunity to create the most beautiful picture of letting someone witness your redemption.

The truth is that you don’t have to pay for your own forgiveness. There is no more penance to be made. It’s already been done on the cross.

Your role in this is to accept the love and grace being offered to you at your most raw, messy, vulnerable place. Accept it and drink it in. 

Not to mention; your choice for bravery offers someone else that same chance. When you let

yourself be seen, it tells a story to the people around you that says that it's actually safe to be seen.

You may not feel like you deserve it, but He called you worthy. Believe in His words.

Third -

If you're the person who is being confessed to, here are some tips:

a) Don't take on more than you should. Emotionally.

It can be easy, especially for those who are extremely compassionate, to begin to feel the weight of the person's pain in a way that's not actually healthy. While you're there to be a friend and comfort the person, it's not your job to carry the weight.

If you feel that temptation, hand it over to Jesus and trust that He's big enough to take care of it.

b) Be kind. Be compassionate. Speak life over them. Point them to Jesus.

Tell them things like: "You are pure", "You are loved", "Jesus is not mad at you and I am not mad at you", "Thank you for telling me, that was so brave", "I'm proud of you for coming to the light and letting yourself be seen".

Then encourage them to go to the Lord if they haven't already. They need to hear from Jesus, Himself, that they are loved forgiven.

c) Thats it. That's all it takes.

Just remember, it doesn't matter how many times they fall, what matters is that they keep coming back. The light will transform a person but sometimes that transformation takes time.

(Of course, if someone is telling you that they are abusing others (especially elders or children) it's expected that you would notify the authorities.)

Living in the light is absolutely one of the greatest and hardest choices I've ever made. And although there is so much more I could say about this topic, I hope that this, at the very least, inspires you to start thinking about what it would look like for you to be living in the light, too.

With love,

Grace