Standard of Love - Breaking Self-Imposed Standards of Life

What you believe about yourself and the standards you apply to your own life will determine whether or not you ever accept that you are enough.

To give you some back story, I have notoriously put mountains of weight on my own shoulders, thinking that it was something required of me.

Take for example, the types of stories we hear about where someone sells all of their possessions, buys a plane ticket to Africa, starts an orphanage with no resources to spare and somehow becomes wildly successful and now travels the world to tell all about it.

I would hear stories like this and go home and start thinking about how I have too many worldly attachments, I cared too much about money and I am too unwilling to lose everything all for the sake of benefiting the planet.

I took these stories and beat myself up with them. What was supposed to simply be an inspiration, became a mandate on my life.

Yet, the truth is that no one ever asked me to do any these things and the pressure to live up to this kind of life actually just weighed me down, and consequently, made me feel like a complete failure.

Another example of this is one time, about 3 years ago, when I was living back at my parents house after Bible School and a summer Missions School in Mozambique, Africa, I had a complete breakdown. My mom heard me crying through my bedroom door and came into my room to find me in a complete and total mess. She called for my dad and the three of us sat on the floor as I cried and apologized saying, "I can't save a million people, I'm sorry. I just can't do it!"

My sweet dad looked at me and asked, "Grace, who told you you had to save a million people?"

I took a moment, thought about it and told him, "no one".

The truth is that I have heard the most amazing stories of individuals having impact on millions upon millions of people. I have been in the same room as people who have planted thousands of churches, impacted an entire country's religious status, seen thousands of people converted in a matter of seconds, raised people from the dead and even they, themselves, been raised from the dead! I have sat in rooms, huts and chapels with these people being told that I, too can have this kind impact on the world.

This information can either inspire you to go after those huge dreams in your heart; or it can completely crush you underneath the weight of what "could be."

I let it crush me.

I don't have any answers other than this:

We live in a day where success, depending on your sphere of influence, looks like being the best in your field. Achievement means standing out among the crowd. We're all trying to climb this ladder of social impact that feels like a never-ending cycle of highs and lows of self-esteem.

I took these stories of greatness as mandates; not as inspiration. It became too much - I had to learn to agree with my heart when it was telling me that it couldn't take any more pressure.

I had to let go.

If I can be any encouragement to you as you read this, I want to tell you that you are more valuable than than the pressure you're under. Sometimes loving yourself means saying "no" at the invitation to an opportunity that may give you more influence, but crushes your soul.

You are so much more than your social impact.

I'm so glad I decided to be a friend of Jesus' instead of a slave.

I'm so glad I decided to lay down my dreams for a life that I can actually enjoy.

My new standard is to be loved.

And that's where true life begins!

With love,

Gracie